I did it!

I signed up for Weight Watchers meetings. I have my first meeting on Tuesday. I'm really excited. I want to be more accountable. Knowing I have to step on that scale every week is going to help. I also have a buddy to go with me. I know I could do it alone but everyone wants someone to support them and this way, we will support each other. Wish me luck!

Fail!

So I'm thinking WW online is not for me. I'm considering putting out the $40 a month to attend meetings. That's $10 a week. I can do that. Just wish I had someone to go with me. But if I keep thinking like that then I'll never go. I need to get over the shyness and the low self esteem and just get off my butt and attend meetings by myself. After all, I'm doing it for me, right?

Day 3

Still going. Doing ok so far.

How many do overs are you allowed?

Yep..starting over...AGAIN! Sooner or later I will catch on and stay on this way of life. I'm hoping this is it. I'll be 39 in a few days....hate even saying that number, but I would like to be thinner and happier by the time I hit the big 4-0 next year. So I'm giving myself a year to get there. I would like to be there a lot sooner but I'm allowing myself a year to get there. This is going to be a no fail attempt. I have to do this. I want to do this. I want to wear sundresses next Summer. I want to feel good in my swimsuit and not worry that other people are looking at me and judging me. I hate always worrying about what other people think. I know I look awful. I know I'm fat. I know I'm disgusting. I don't need someone else looking at me and thinking it. I already think that way. I hate myself. I hate what I've let myself become. I hate me. And I know people say these things because I'm one of those people. I use to say those things about other heavy people. It's funny, ok well no it's not, about how thin people look at overweight people and the things they say. I never thought I'd be overweight. But here I am. 20 years later after having my first child and I have not lost anything. Ok well I did. I lost 30 lbs the first time I did WW and then I quit. Put it all back on and then some. I think I'm 5 lbs heavier than I was when I first joined WW 3 years ago. It's time to stop berating myself and do something about it. I keep saying I'm going to do it. I list all the things I need to do or want to do and instead of following them I ignore them. No more. It's time to move on and get on with what I want to do. I'll find support somewhere somehow. I can do this! I will do this!